Moments
by The Swaggering Cripple
Summary: RaVe. Little or not so little one-shots about the pairing. R/R
1. A Deer in the Headlights

A/N: I still have that new writer smell, because though I've written other genres, Fanfic is uncharted territory for me. I took the ideas for this from a prompt table I found somewhere on LJ. As usual, I have no ownership over anything in this story, seeing as its **fanfic**. Critiques and compliments win you cool points. xM.

Dedication: To my Good Little Jewish Wife, if you hadn't shared your fic, I doubt I would have been swayed to even start writing my own. Dryer sheet yarmulkes for everyone!

Prompt: **Death**

A Deer in the Headlights

Ryan didn't know what he was doing here, standing on her doorstep, flowers in hand. He'd heard through the lab grapevine that Valera's grandma died recently and that's why she hadn't been at work. So now, Ryan Wolfe was standing on Valera's front porch, about to make an ass of himself if what he heard from Cooper was wrong.

Suddenly, the door opened._ How did she know he was here? Had he knocked? Why can't he remember if he knocked or not? What the hell was he going to tell her? _Ryan Wolfe was definitely panicking.

"Ryan…what are you doing here?" Valera asked, surprise coloring her voice.

"Uh." That was the best he could muster while searching her squinting face for some sort of giveaway. _Her hair was a different color already, the color of warm syrup. Had she cut it too? He couldn't remember, but he liked the way it hit her chin just so, making her lips seem more bowed, more pink, more beautiful. Ryan stopped himself before his thoughts went any farther. Did he just call Valera 'beautiful'? She was his coworker and he didn't feel __that__ way about her. It was just…wrong. He was supposed to be offering his condolences anyway, not checking her out, (which he __wasn't__)_

"Ryan, can you stop being weird. You're starting to creep me out," She was annoyed with him already.

"Oh! Sorry." His eyes snapped up to hers and he found himself fumbling yet again, taking note how when her eyebrow arched like that, it made her doe eyes more expressive. _God, that was adorable. She was adorable even when she was irritated or annoyed. Suddenly he was overcome with the urge to kiss his coworker. In theory, it would be easy. All he'd have to do is lean forward a little, capture her lips with his and pray to God she didn't slap him. But of course, she would slap him and then Delko would have to get all the evidence she processed because if he were to see her at work, she'd never let him live it down and his failed attempt would become the story she told everyone when she was drunk._

_ WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! Why was he thinking this? This was Maxine Valera, who hated his guts, who yelled at him when he pestered her for results, who dated 'bad boys' and supposedly had a porn collection that put Ron Jeremy to shame and drank margaritas for breakfast. Granted, he didn't know if the last part was true or not, but for his sake, he'd like to believe it is. _

_But, this was also the same lab tech that alphabetized the lab files she had for him, in the rare moments he wasn't waiting in her lab. She knew he liked things alphabetized, in ascending order. She could always make him smile with her lame little jokes and loud, unabashed laugh. Maybe he liked her a__ little__. Liking a coworker just a little was okay, there was nothing wrong with that. Eric practically followed Calleigh around the lab like a puppy dog, so even if Ryan liked Valera it wouldn't be a big deal. She was an attractive woman he just happened to work with. _

"Ryan! I'm going to close the door now…" Valera said, voice tinged with worry ash she began to close the door.

"Wait! Wait! No. I just spaced for a moment…I, uh, heard that your grandma died and I thought maybe you'd like these." Ryan, surprised he could string that he could coherently string words together despite the sudden onset tightening and dryness in his throat, proffered her the flowers with a sympathetic half smile.

Valera's eyes narrowed to venomous slits again. "Who'd you hear that from?" _Shit. He'd said the wrong thing. _Not sure how to backtrack, he bowed his head.

"Cooper." He mumbled, hoping for a sudden and painless death.

"Oh." Her voice softened as she took them from his grasp. "Well, thanks, that was nice of you." Her voice steeled again. "I mean Cooper needs to keep his mouth shut, but thanks." Her voice became an uncharacteristic whisper as she said the last two words, smiling slightly.

Ryan looked up and smiled back. "So I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, tomorrow."

He nodded, unsure of what to do now. Valera cleared her throat almost nervously.  
"I have something on the stove, so I better get to that." She said slowly, as if trying to convince herself.

"I have to get home and shower." Ryan said nodding. She turned back into her house, just about to close the door as Ryan made his way down her cement steps when she called out to him.

"Hey, Wolfe? I'll have those DNA results for the Burswood case tomorrow morning, so you don't have to pester me all day long, like you usually do." She squinted again and tried her hardest to make it sound like she found him to be a pest.

Ryan stopped and turned to face her. _See! She didn't like him. He could think she was attractive and it would be okay because she wanted nothing to do with him. Her indifference toward him would make his crush on her pass quicker. But the way she smiled at him when she said that, made his stomach flip. _He smiled slightly and suddenly wished he had been standing on her doorstep for a different reason altogether.

A/N: I've subsequently decided I'm going to make all of the vignettes go in chronological order, which means that all the prompts will be used, just not in the intended order. I really hope you liked it, I was extremely nervous about posting.


	2. Don't Ask Stupid Questions

**Hello. Okay, this was not supposed to take as long as it did and it's probably not as good as I want it to be, but I'm working on it. I have problems shaping characters and could use a little advice, writer to writer. I don't remember what prompt number this is and I'm too lazy to go find my chart, so you'll have to bear with me. Me not owning stuff should be a given. Thanks to those who reviewed and **_**Muchas Muchas Gracias to **__**DerekRiffchyn'sAssistant y My Good Little Jewish Wife. Your support has been hella rad and so are your stories. **_** I could tell you a hilarious little anecdote about my life, but you probably want to read my story, so…**

Prompt: Together

Maxine Valera wanted to kill the man peacefully next to her. She knew, theoretically, she could get away with it too. Some latex gloves, a little precaution and a really sharp object was all she would need, really. Valera turned her head to glare at her now softly snoring bedmate-boyfriend. Her desire to cause Ryan Wolfe bodily harm dissipated as she watched his eyelids flutter softly when he exhaled and she hated that. Feeling frustrated and annoyed with her newfound weakness, Valera turned on her side, away from him, making the bed shift more than it really needed to. Maybe not seeing how adorable Ryan was when he slept would bring back her homicidal urges.

xxXxx

_Earlier that evening…_

"You won't believe what Calleigh mentioned to me today…" Valera probed, not trying to sound accusatory, but this had been bouncing around in her head since the blonde CSI mentioned it to her in the lab this morning. Valera pushed errant peas around with her fork, hoping that her casual front looked realistic.

"Huh?" Ryan looked at her, not quite sure if she was actually waiting for him to answer or if she was just waiting to continue. Valera had been acting odd all day and he didn't want to do anything to severely piss her off by saying the wrong thing.

"She said Sam showed you how to use the new equipment." Clearly, the question she asked wasn't actually a question, it was merely a segue to what she really wanted to talk about.

"Yeah, I didn't quite have the hang-"

"Calleigh inferred that maybe you were flirting with Sam, y'know, the pretty, new lab tech?" Valera cut him off, forcing her voice to sound carefree and bright as she speared a pea like it was going to run off at a break neck speed.

"What are you talking about?" he was thoroughly confused. He had never flirted with Sam. _Ever_. Nor had he wanted to for that matter, but maybe Sam mistook his niceness for attraction.

"Bullshit. It was this morning, Ryan. There's no way you couldn't remember."

Ryan opened his mouth as if to refute her last statement, but closed it quickly when he remembered the encounter in the lab this morning. He distinctly remembered his garbled reply to Calleigh's arched eyebrow and teasing smile. _Shit._ "I didn't flirt, Max, you know I wouldn't." Ryan said finally.

"You're a guy, of course you would!" She was yelling now and a yelling Valera made starving Mountain Lions look like harmless kitty-cats.

"That's not fair, Maxine. Just because I'm a guy doesn't mean I flirt with everyone!"

"Of course! Not everyone, not H, not Eric, not Alexx, just pretty, young tab techs!" She spat at him, her fork now clutched dangerously tight in her hand.

"…like you?" Ryan couldn't help himself and smiled at her.

Valera's death stare cracked. "Damn it, Ryan, you can't do that!" She refused to let go of her resolve to be angry with him, but it was futile.

"What? Tell you the truth? Max, it's not fair that you accuse me-"

"You know what's not fair? Not being able to show my boyfriend off to all my coworkers." Her voice came out like a whine and no matter how hard she tried to stop it, she couldn't. "Why can't we just tell them?"

Ryan rubbed his left eye, a tick she had very quickly become familiar with. Valera bit her lip and tried to stare at him as indignantly as possible. She wanted him to know she was pissed at him and the secrecy of their relationship was starting to strangle her. Valera wanted to be able to tell Calleigh how he held doors open for her and how, even though she complained and said she 'refused to be defined by gender roles', she loved it. She wanted to bitch to Cooper when her boyfriend was being an insensitive asshole and didn't see that _clearly_ she was right. But more than anything, Valera wanted to hold Ryan's hand and kiss his cheek before they entered the lab every morning.

"I was just reinstated, Max and the last thing you need is Stetler putting you under the microscope –no pun intended.-" He added quickly, chuckling slightly at his own lame joke. Valera rolled her eyes.

"Who cares about Stetler?" She was definitely not satisfied with his answer.

"He'd make you work nights and we both know you can't stand working the night shift. I like working with you. I like being able to see you during the day. I like taking you out for lunch, even if it's under the pretense of 'just friends'. It makes putting up with dead bodies and Eric obsessing over Calleigh that much easier." Ryan was beginning to ramble.

"Wolfe, you're not embarrassed of me, are you?" Maxine asked sharply, suddenly feeling uncharacteristically anxious. _Shit Shit Shit! Why did she have to say shit like that?_ Now she probably looked pathetic and uncertain and if there's one thing Maxine Valera liked to portray, it was absolute certainty. Part of her was worried, though, worried that maybe he was indeed embarrassed by the lab tech's kookiness, penchants for gossip, strawberry Margaritas and her painfully blunt honesty.

"What kind of question is that, Max?" Ryan dropped his fork next to his plate and proceeded to stare at her in disbelief. "Did you just ask me if I was embarrassed of you? Do you really expect me answer that?"

Valera stood up faster than she thought humanly possible and picked up her plate, trying desperately to busy herself, hoping to pass off what she said with an air of nonchalance. In reality, his incredulous tone bothered her and she didn't want to be staring him in the face when he said her quirks actually bothered the hell of out him. Moving toward the kitchen sink, plate in hand, Valera could feel her boyfriend's eyes bore holes in the back of her skull. Five seconds had passed and he was still silent. _Shit._ She put her plate in the sink half filled with water and held her breath for a moment, trying to figure out what to say, how to jokingly push away what she just said without feeling like an idiot. _Too late for that._ Still nothing from Ryan, whom she was sure was still staring at her and now she wanted to crawl down the kitchen drain and die from sheer mortification. _Why did she have to sound so needy? Why on earth did she whine like that and since when was she so insecure? She was Maxine Valera, for Christs' sake, and Maxine Valera was not needy or insecure, nor did she whine. If he didn't think she was a complete loser nutjob before, surely Ryan did now. Damn, maybe her sister was right about dating coworkers. Maybe she should just turn around right now, save him all the trouble and say that it wasn't his fault or anything, it just wasn't going to work out and that she just-_ Suddenly a pair of all too familiar arms wrapped around her waist, pulled her closer and out of her thoughts.

"Hey." Ryan's voice was warm against her ear. "Max, that was a stupid question." His hands lightly stroked her sides. "I'm not embarrassed by you. I could never be embarrassed by you and don't ever think that I am." He kissed her ear and released her from his grasp, returning to the table for his plate.

"Cooper's been flirting with me again." Valera stated as if to explain her sudden mood swing, which was only half true, but she would never admit that. Cooper's flirting didn't bother her as much as the thought of her coworkers trying to set her boyfriend up with another girl.

"Really?" Ryan appeared next to her, holding his plate, which he exchanged with Valera for a dishtowel.

"Mhm. Yeah, that's why we need to tell everyone we're dating, so that way Cooper will leave me alone" Valera glanced at Ryan to see if he believed her. His eyebrow was arched and he looked like he wanted to say something, instead he continued to dry the plates she handed him.

"I see."

xxXxx

After that, nothing else was said about Cooper or Sam or telling anyone at work and now it was 1:30 in the morning and Valera wanted to stab Ryan in his sleep. Valera huffed and squirmed more, frustrated. She contemplated waking him up to complain again, but waking him up would meaning turning over to face him and poking him until he came to. She didn't want to look at him, much less touch him because she had the sneaking suspicion that once she did, it would become extremely difficult to yell at him. She squirmed again and groaned loudly to herself. _Maybe she could just kick him._

"Quit moving. You're going to wake me up and then I'll have to go home." Ryan sleepily growled, draping her arms over her in hopes of stilling her.

Valera stopped moving and didn't make any more noise. _Sure, she wanted to kill him, but she didn't want to break their rule and watch him go home. _ The two of them had decided that if one fell asleep at the other's house, going home would only happen when they were awake. This meant a lot of early rising to drive back to someone's apartment so they could get ready for work.

"Max?" Ryan's voice was slurred with sleep and she was tempted to ignore him.

"What?"

"Is Cooper really flirting with you?"

"Yes, now go back to sleep." Valera sunk more into his embrace, not minding the warmth his body was emitting.

"What about Stetler?"

"No. Stetler does not want to get into my pants. Neither does H, if you were wondering." Valera said dryly.

"Good…No! Wait… what?" Ryan was starting to sound more coherent.  
"Shut up and go back to bed."

"Max."  
"Ryan." Valera paused for a moment. "You want me to drive you to work tomorrow?"

Ryan knew what she was getting at. "Yeah, but try not to park next to Stetler. Last thing I need right now is you working nights."

**Reviews get you cool points. Oh yeah and I'm not going in any sort of order, despite what I said earlier. **


	3. Mr Pibb and Red Vines Crazy Delicious

This week was horrible. School is ridiculous and I would think of something witty to say, but it can't be bothered now. Just know that this is the longest piece I've written so far to make up for my lack of …everything. Prompt was, as dictated by my Jew Wifey, chiropractor. This chapter is dedicated to her, DerekRiffchynsAssistant, for her encouragements, Jag Lady for reviewing and of course, Andy Samberg for being extra hilarious. I love you all.

Ryan shifted in his seat for the tenth time in the past five minutes. His back was killing him and he was all too ready to blame Valera's oddly shaped "mod" couch. _Who the hell has a couch shaped like a kidney? _Ryan looked over at his girlfriend whose eyes were glazed with focus as she stared at the TV screen. They were watching Amelie for the fifth time since the two of them started dating. As much as Ryan had groaned and rolled his eyes when his girlfriend showed up at his door, French film in hand, he actually really liked the movie, though he would never admit it. The movie's heroine was currently stealing her father's garden gnome, one of his favorite parts of the movie, but he couldn't muster the same attentiveness his couch-mate was exhibiting. His shoulders and spine felt like they had been bashed in with steel toed boots and in an attempt to allay the throbbing, he shifted again, groaning. Valera grabbed his knee, eyes still fixed on the movie.  
"Stop it, you're distracting me." She said, her long fingers still wrapped around the curvature of his knee.

"My back hurts!" he pouted.

"I don't care. We're watching Amelie and you're being disruptive." She still couldn't manage to tear her eyes away from the screen

He jerked his limb from her grasp and tucked himself further into the corner from the couch. Ryan knew it was childish and he was being unreasonable but the pain that was chewing as his muscles was making him irrational and he didn't care. "I could be dying and all you want to do is watch some movie about a French girl who can't keep her nose out of other people's business."

Suddenly, the movie paused; Amelie's mouth open and eyes closed, obviously in the midst of a sentence, stretched across the screen. Valera's head snapped in his direction and her eyes were wide with indignation and frustration. "You're not dying, Ryan. You're just being a baby about your back pain."

"It really hurts!"

"You want some Advil?"

"No."  
"Then don't be such a girl about it, okay?"

"I'm not!" Ryan stood up, hoping that maybe if he walked to the kitchen, the kink would work itself out. A huge twinge of pain that Ryan likened to giving birth shot through his body and he doubled over, swearing. "Motherfu-"

"Ohmygod! Are you okay?" Valera panicked, interrupting his sailor talk.

Flopping back on the couch, realizing that maybe a walk to the kitchen would probably kill him, he nodded.

"Jesus Christ, Ryan! Why the hell didn't you tell me it was that bad?" The lab tech said, moving closer to the hunched over man on the couch.

"I did."  
"I thought you were just being overdramatic." She said, gently stroking his arm, brow furrowed with worry. "Maybe you should go see a chiropractor or something."

"Clearly, I wasn't. It hurts really badly, Max, I'm serious." Ryan winced again to prove his point.  
"What'd you do to it?"

"No clue. Maybe I slept on it funny…"  
"Probably. Your bed is like sleeping on a slab of cement. I'm surprised you even have a spine left, Wolfe." Valera stated.

"Maybe it's just your ridiculous couch." Ryan mumbled that, knowing well enough that if she heard him, more than his back would hurt.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that because I know how much pain you're in." Suddenly Valera disappeared from beside him. Worried that he might have upset her more than she let on, Ryan closed his eyes and sighed. He was definitely in no shape to be chasing after one very quick lab tech with hurt feelings.

Valera worked her fingers into his shoulder blades, perched carefully on the back of her neon sofa, legs on either side of her injured, cantankerous boyfriend. This action caught Ryan by surprise because he jumped and she had to stop for a minute to regain her balance so she wouldn't be sent tumbling backward over the couch and have her own injuries to deal with. She grinned to herself as Ryan groaned. Clearly, that foray into pursuing massage therapy as a career was paying off. His stiff muscles loosened as her hands set to work, freeing his shoulders, neck and middle back of painfully tight knots.

"Stressed out?" Valera puffed, her thumbs grinding into a particularly difficult spot near the base of his neck.

"If I say yes, will you do this more often?" Ryan wanted to grin so much, it was painful, but he was worried that if he did, his girlfriend might abandon her post as his personal masseuse and that wasn't a risk he was willing to take.

"I might choke you."

"You wouldn't." Ryan stated cockily. "You lovvvveeeee meeeee." He had suddenly transformed into a fifth grader with the way his voice became sing-song and the way he dragged out his words.

"Keep talking like that and I might not." Valera had all pretense of sounding tough and callous, but ran her fingers lightly across his neck to show she was kidding and Ryan settled into her and laughed in response.  
"…I love you, y'know." He mumbled, staring at her in the reflection of the television screen, watching closely for her response. Suddenly it was as if the Ryan Valera had come to know in recent years, the cocky, sarcastic Ryan disappeared and the self-conscious, shy sweater vest wearing Ryan reappeared and was now handing her his heart. She noted how he fidgeted and …_winced?_ after he said it. She smiled to herself. She'd known for a while that she loved Ryan quite possibly even more than she loved her Louboutins, but had become increasingly more aware that she probably loved him more than she loved anyone else. Still, she wasn't prepared for his sudden confession and wasn't quite sure how to adequately respond without sounding too ecstatic. Valera's mind raced for a response and she tersely gripped his shoulders. Before she could stop herself, the first thing that came to mind tumbled out.

"Wolfe, are you high?" she couldn't help it and the lab tech's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates after she realized what she said.

"What?" Ryan was confused and twisted, albeit painfully, to look at his suddenly mute masseuse. "Why the hell would you ask that?"

"You… you just said you loved me…and you're not drunk or dying so you must be high." The sometimes blonde, sometimes brunette was fumbling uselessly.  
"So I have to be high?"

"Yes." She nodded. "You just don't say things like that out of nowhere." She pushed his head back to a forward position and continued to knead her fingers into his shoulders. "Now press play, I wanna watch the rest of this movie."

"Not like you haven't seen it before…" Ryan begrudgingly grumbled as he found the remote and pressed play, eyes to the screen as Amelie sprung back into action and finished her sentence. He was thankful that Valera wanted to watch the movie and not discuss why he announced that he was in love with her._ Why the fuck did I say that? Good going, Wolfe! You told your girlfriend you loved her and she thought you were high! _He had never been more grateful for the focus required to watch a subtitled film. He definitely didn't want Valera to see him panic like this, particularly when he felt her hands leave his shoulders and settle at his sides.

Maxine Valera knew that even though her boyfriend lacked any sort of tact when it came to his feelings and attractive women. Seeing him in his boyish, puppy-like state, the one he was constantly in when he first started at the lab, she knew what he said was true, but that didn't make it any easier to handle on her part. Deep down, she'd been hoping to hear those three little words, but not like this. She imagined a dozen roses, candle light and dinner, not a French movie, some Red Vines and a massive backache. _But he meant it when he said it. _She clearly recalled in minute detail the way his eyes scanned hers in the glared reflection and Valera could immediately imagine what they would have looked like up close in high definition. His hazel eyes would have focused in on an awkward, uncomfortable but most definitely endearing stare, the way they do when he's nervous. Their gold flecks would be sparkling and dancing, hoping for her approval. _Approval she didn't even offer._ Valera winced and was extremely grateful that Amelie required one to focus intently on the plot, as her dejected boyfriend was currently doing.

She sat staring at the screen, still perched on the back of the couch with Ryan sitting stiffly between her legs, taking extreme care not to touch her. Still upset with herself, Valera gently stroked his back with her fingertips, feeling how tense his back was again. It was now or never.

"Babe?" she could smell his subtle scent of aftershave, soap and clean linen.

"Hm?" he turned toward her ever so slightly, cocking one eyebrow.

_Now or never._ "About earlier…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to insinuate…"  
"I know you didn't."

"I actually wanted to say, that, uh, I…"

Ryan turned himself completely toward her. During their complete and utter silence, he had managed to calm down and re-center himself, though he was still nervous about his girlfriend's response. He smiled slightly at her stumbling, his eyes locking with her nervous ones.

_See! Look, you can see it in his eyes! _ She certainly could. His adoration was obvious to her and that helped still the butterflies in her stomach. _Calm down. He won't care if you sound stupid._

"I just wanted to say that…Iloveyoutoo." Valera forced the last part out in one breath, rushing through her words. "I mean it, too and I'm not saying it just because you said it or anything. I just didn't imagine that you'd say that now. I always dreamed that you'd say it over dinner with candles and roses and I know that's being ridiculous and everything, but I just didn't think you'd say it now."

"Oh." Ryan tried hard to process what she just said. "But I meant it." He said slowly, not sure of what else to say.  
"I know you did and that's why I don't care that you said it now. I know you mean it, Ryan. I know."

"Good." He leaned forward and kissed her, cupping her cheek gently with his hand. His girlfriend giggled and rested her hand on the back of his neck. Ryan pecked her on the forehead after pulling away and turned around.  
"Forgive me for being stupid?" Valera massaged his shoulders again as his body leaned into hers.

"Of course, but there are conditions." He nodded resolutely.

"Oh?" she said as worked her thumbs into a knot.

"Yeah. First, I'm the only one who gets to ramble like an idiot. Second, you do this more often." He gestured as best he could to indicate he meant the massage. "And finally, we have to watch a different movie, preferably one that's not in French."

"But I like this movie!" Valera pouted.

"I know. We've seen it so much, I can recite it for you if you want." He said simply as the credits rolled across the screen.

"Fine" she acquiesced. As Ryan stopped the movie and got up to put it back in its case, a tic she had wryly picked up on after their third movie night, she slid down the back of the couch to sit on the cushion. Groaning to herself as she noticed that the movie War Games started. "Not this!"

"Yes. This. It's a classic." He defended.

"Says who?" she whined, scooting over to make space for him.

"Me and just about every other geek I've ever known." He said as he sat down beside her, offering half of a Red Vine to her.

Valera accepted the metaphorical olive branch and thoughtful chewed on one end before turning to him. "You're not going to propose to me during this movie, right?"


	4. Coats Like White Elephants

A/N: Yay for references to the purple t-shirt and its deliciousness. Yay for having a week off. I wrote this all in one afternoon, because my dear friend is ill and needs something to read. Maybe if you're lucky, I'll have another one up before Friday. Holla at my Good Little Jewish Wife and dedications to DerekRiffchyn'sAssistant. A little advice, never ever ever get your industrial pierced and take out the barbell and put it back in after having it out. My poor ear is sad. Yay for sea salt. Prompt: Wine. R/R Ideas for the next one are awesome. Double bonus points if you can tell me where my title is from. (Oh and if you do, worry not, that is not my subject matter.)

Coats Like White Elephants

Ryan was pretty sure his quasi-girlfriend was drunk. Maxine Valera was draped across his couch looking at him with bleary eyes. The aquamarine dress she wore had hiked its way up to her mid-thigh and a pair of ridiculously high heels was abandoned on the carpet next to her. Usually, Ryan would've been bothered by this, but he was too busy checking out her legs to notice. They were quite possibly the longest legs he'd ever seen, in fact in his alcohol clouded mind, he was sure they defied all means of logic.

"You're such a pervert, Wolfe." She muttered, but made no effort to cover herself. Clearly, she was inebriated.  
"Am not. I'm just…admiring the view." He slurred back, proving he had one too many drinks at dinner.

"I see you checking me out. I'm not that drunk…just kinda tipsy." She scowled at him. "I can hold my alcohol fine."

"I never said you couldn't." Ryan was leaning against the archway that separated his tiny living room from his equally tiny kitchen, arms folded across his chest. He and his coworker-girlfriend-friend-friendwithbenefits (He didn't know what the hell she was now and he didn't even want to try and figure it out after consuming so much wine.) had gone out for dinner and out of nervousness, Ryan invited her back to his place where they drank nearly a bottle of wine. Good wine, too, the kind one would save for a "special day" or at least that's his Bubbe told him. Ryan highly doubted that inviting the colleague that you fooled around with at the last MDPD "Holiday Celebration" (really, "Christmas Party" but political correctness had Human Resources in a bind) out to dinner and then back to your apartment qualified as a "special day", but he didn't care. Thinking back on the "Holiday Celebration" in question made him anxious, but he schooled his features in to a mask of indifference, all the while watching his tipsy coworker slowly sit up, swinging herself in to a sitting position.

"You look so fucking stiff standing there like that." Valera noted, the red wine didn't hinder her observation skills, apparently.

Ryan smirked. During his evenings out with Eric, who was insistent on polishing the younger CSI's lady skills, he had noticed that women took on a whole different persona when inebriated. Some women cried, some women gave Mike Tyson a run for his money, some thought they were porn stars and some swore like they were on leave from the navy and it was 1943. Valera was obviously the latter. And he was glad too. He wasn't quite sure what he would have done had she shimmied out of her dress or broke down sobbing. He probably would have died. He flopped on the couch next to her, sighing heavily. Wine always made him feel like he just ran the Boston Marathon. He sneaked a peak at her out of his peripheral. Valera had a rosy glow about her that made him and to reach out and stroke her cheek. If his memory served him correctly, she had skin that was softer than anything he'd ever felt and that thought made his fingers tingle and itch. She looked content on his sofa, her body sinking into the cushions as she stared at his immaculate coffee table. Ryan wondered if she was still ticklish at the base of her neck or if that was just something he had made up every time he revisited those fumbling fifteen minutes in the abandoned hallway near coat check. He could still hear her giggle softly, lips brushing the column of his neck, her hand tugging on his tie, his hands coasting down her back, wanting to feel every inch of her skin at once…

"Were you always this…fuckin' neat?" Valera's loudness interrupting his memory.

"What?" Ryan was confused. What the hell was she talking about? Realizing what she meant, "Oh. Uhm…yeah, I guess. I don't ever remember not-" he gestured like that was supposed to mean something. He always felt vaguely freakish when anyone asked about his OCD, particularly anyone from work. He didn't want them to think that he was a risk to the lab and now a beautiful woman who a coworker at that, was staring at him with interest and asking how many times he washed his hands a day. "It's not like that. It's…it…"

"You have sex right? I mean, you don't get weirded out or anything like that?" She cut him, blurting out her question. The wine must be going to her head.

"What kind of question is that, Valera?" he wasn't comfortable calling her anything that sounded even remotely like her first name. It sounded too intimate.

"Well, I just thought with all of the body fluids and DNA and germs and microorganisms, it would gross you out. Y'know, you've got the whole neat and clean shit going on so do you hose down with bleach afterward? Or just, like a regular shower?" Along with swearing like a sailor, the already blunt Valera lost the brain filter that stopped someone from asking too many questions.

"It's not like that" was all he could offer for a response. "Why'd you keep asking questions?" Ryan was eager to escape any more embarrassing OCD related queries.

"Nobody knows a damn thing about you; Wolfe and I wanna find out." She slurred indignantly, clearly not pleased with the response he gave.

"People know plenty of stuff about me," he retorted, "It's you they don't know about. Hell nobody knew your first name until recently and everyone knows that I got fired and that I was on the news and that I am a complete fuck-up" Ryan mumbled the last part acrimoniously, frowning."

"Fine. I ask a question and you can ask one and no lying, deal?" Either she was choosing to ignore the dig he made at himself or she was completely oblivious, because she shifted around so she faced him, staring expectantly at her.

He folded his arms across his chest and looked at her through raised eyebrows. "Deal. Ladies first."

"What the fuck happened to you?" she asked plainly.

Whoa. Ryan totally wasn't expecting this one and wasn't quite sure what she meant, so he cocked his eyebrow, hoping she would elucidate. "Excuse me?"

"The fucking sweater vests and shit and now you look like some Crockett on Miami Vice cast-off. You know, nobody in Miami actually dressed like that, right? It was jut a horribly tacky show and nobody least of all you, should be using that as a fashion example. And the hair? Your hair is fucking ridiculous." Valera's question sounded a hell of a lot like a tirade. An injured look must've crossed his features, because she quickly doubled back. "I mean most of it isn't bad, it just can get a little 80s male modelesque sometimes and that's weird. Y'know, you're ha-alright looking, so you don't have to try so goddamn hard." Valera quickly caught herself, hoping that her good-looking coworker wouldn't notice, but he did and almost cracked a smug grin.

"I just felt like a little kid with the sweater vests. I live in Miami, why did I own sweater vests?" he offered.

"True, but they weren't that bad…you could wear that purple t-shirt more often, that was nice." Truth was, it really wasn't the sweater-vests she missed, it was the old Ryan. The old Ryan wasn't smug or guarded, the old Ryan had been shy and uncertain in a way that made her want to reassure him. She saw the old Ryan at the party, off by himself, unsure of how others in the department would react to him; the whole reinstatement was just too fresh. That's when she had come over and stood next to him, trying to bring him out of his nervous shell. Twenty minutes later, his hand was caressing her thigh and she was trying to loosen his tie.

"My turn. Nick Townsend? Why?" Ryan cut right to the chase, jarring her slightly.

"What the fuck, Wolfe? He was a douche and we went on a date. You were at the lab when it happened. What else is there to know?"  
"You didn't answer my question." He said quietly, surprised she escalated that quickly. Maybe she was a Mike Tyson drunk after all.

Valera took a deep breath. "He was dangerous."

"Well, obviously. Natalia said-" Ryan retorted, not getting it.

"No. He was dangerous and that was so hot. The whole bad boy image. I know what Natalia said, I just didn't care." She said slowly. "I've always had a thing for bad boys, rebels and the like."

"Oh." Was it just her or did Ryan sound disappointed? She knew that he found her attractive, but they fooled around at a Christmas party, for christssake! Everyone knew that stuff like that didn't count.

"Yeah. My first boyfriend, Mikey Herolls? He was just charged with GTA back home. He should be fifty by the time he gets out."  
"Oh." Ryan's first girlfriend had two kids, was married to a banker and more likely than not, drove a mini-van. "I know it was a while ago, but are you okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, of course. I mean, Mikey was a real asshole and he made out with my best friend, but that was high school" Valera laughed slightly, finding his concern endearing.

Ryan gave her a befuddled look, not sure what she was talking about. "…?"

"You meant Nick?" realization dawned on her and the lab tech turned red from embarrassment. "Of course you meant Nick. I'm fine. I mean, not at first because I thought I fucking killed him, but after that, it was okay." She nodded, still endeared (maybe even more so) by his concern. She had seen a glimmer of the old puppy dog Ryan and couldn't be more pleased.

The questions went back and forth for the next twenty minutes, dancing around the elephant in the room and Valera learned that not only did Ryan see his Uncle Ron on a regular basis, but his mom called him at least twice a week, asking him when he was going to come home. She also found out that he had been in his high school's chess club and played in marching band and much to his embarrassment, his date for the senior prom had ditched him early on in the night, leaving him to stand awkwardly around the edge of dance floor for the rest of the evening.

"She didn't know what she was missing." Valera announced. She was sitting next to him and placed her hand on his knee.

Suddenly, Ryan became hyper aware of her hand and his heartbeat hitched slightly. "Yeah." He replied sardonically. "I was a real catch. 'Cause y'know, in high school, everyone wants to hang out with the weird kid."

"Don't be so fucking harsh on yourself. You're a really sweet guy. You're smart, you've got a great job, hell you're a cop! Women find a man in uniform to be sexy, I bet you she's married to some corporate drone and that she hates her life." She was absently stroking his knee.

"Really? I always thought that was something Lifetime made up." He tried not to focus on her hand.

"Nope. It's true." She nodded, resolutely, more to herself than him. "Hell, Wolfe it doesn't even matter than you don't wear a uniform, it's just that you could." She rested her head on his shoulder, catching an intoxicating whiff of clean laundry and aftershave that reminded her of mint and eucalyptus. Valera wished they could stay like this forever.

"…Maxine?" her name felt foreign on his tongue, but he said it with surprising ease. Must be the wine.

"Hm?" a warm wave coursed through her when she heard him say her name. That was something she could definitely get used to.

"…that time in the coat check…"

"We weren't in the coat check." She knew they were going to have to talk about this sooner or later, but why did it have to be now? He was going tell her that he open bar was to blame and that he had just been horny and lonely and he didn't want those fifteen minutes of fooling around like high school students at junior prom to ruin their friendship, not to mention their professional relationship. And she would have to laugh it off and agree, when in all honesty, she had a crush on him since he showed up in his patrol uniform. That fumbling around was definitely something Valera entertained long before it happened, but now she'd have to make a joke of it.

"I'm sorry if it was creepy. I usually don't…"

"…feel your co-worker up next to your bosses' coats? Yeah, me neither." She jibed.

"Yeah. Well, no that's not what I meant." He panicked slightly. "I meant to say... What I mean is…"

"Don't worry, I haven't told anyone, your job is safe."  
"No, I don't care…I do but…I…" he was growing frustrated at the sudden jumble in his brain and forced himself to focus on what he wanted to say.

"Shut the hell up, Wolfe and stop moving so much, you're going to knock me in the head." Valera was growing annoyed at his desire to drag out the already painful process.

"NO. Sorry, what I mean is, I don't regret what happened, in fact it was really fucking awesome, but I do regret how it happened. I… I wanted to at least take you out on a date first. One that doesn't involve H's awkward dancing or the Eric and Calleigh sexual tension or Stetler's evil eye, a real date. One with me picking you up at your place and dinner and conversation and not this much alcohol."

Valera smiled. "Are you asking me out on a date, Ryan?"

"Yeah, maybe." He sounded like young, hopeful Ryan. "…y'wanna go get dinner with me next time we both can

Valera turned her head and kissed his neck gently. "That'd be really fucking awesome, as long as you wear that purple t-shirt and this aftershave and smile more often."

Ryan laughed and grinned. "As long as we can fool around in the coat check."


	5. Someone Like Me

**Jesus Christ, school is kicking my ass. BUT I'm almost done. I have the next five mapped out. Joys for finally finishing this to my ever faithful readers, DerekRiffchynsAssistant and My Good Little Jewish Wife. I was extremely inspired by "Use Somebody" by Kings of Leon for this piece. I would think of something clever to say, but I don't want to. Oh and uh, My Good Little Jewish Wife and I are going to do wardrobe for Togo this upcoming season. WTF wardrobe crew, WTF?! xM.**

Maxine Valera was definitely surprised to see him standing there, nervously fiddling with his tie. She knew he'd gotten his job back just two weeks ago, but she wasn't sure that her co-worker would willingly submit himself to the awkwardness of a holiday party. Ryan had gotten himself into one hell of a mess, that was for sure, but Valera was never one to pass judgment, even when she heard about how deeply in debt Ryan was. Even though she was the resident gossip, Valera didn't feel right whispering about his debt, his TV appearances, Erica Sykes or his job at the gun range. Ryan had always been nice to the DNA tech and she figured she at the very least, owed him that much.

He had no clue why he was here and from the looks and the very obvious whispers in his direction, neither did his coworkers. Ryan Wolfe fidgeted with his tie again. He wanted to go home and sleep, but he knew that if he did, the whispers would be just as bad, if not worse, on Monday. Ryan scanned the crowd, looking for a friendly face. Eric was standing close to Calleigh, talking to the blonde CSI and Alexx, his back to Ryan. Calleigh had offered Ryan a polite smile earlier that evening, but had yet said anything to him and Eric refused to acknowledge his presence. But he wasn't expecting a warm welcome anyway, so his friends' distant behavior was anticipated. Despite this, the snubbing still hurt. Not only was Ryan Wolfe broke for the holidays, but he was alone and needed a drink as well.

She watched Ryan make his way toward her and smiled brightly at him when he noticed her standing at the bar. The poor man looked so defeated, Valera would have felt ashamed of herself if she didn't smile. He smiled back tentatively, looking relieved. She couldn't help but notice how exhausted and underfed he looked. Working at the gun range clearly hadn't done him any good. Valera was glad to have him back at the lab, even if he was a smug asshole half of the time and dressed like he was the body double for Crockett on Miami Vice. Despite his lack of fashion sense and pretentious behavior, Ryan was a good guy who was great at his job. And even though he would badger her incessantly for lab results, he was always quick to crack a smile, ask her about her day or offer her a juicy piece of gossip or a brain twisting riddle.

xXx

_"Hey, do you have those results from the Miller case?" Ryan asked hopefully, pulling open the glass door to the DNA lab. This was the seventh time today he'd badgered Valera about the samples._

_"Ryan, there are fifty-seven samples I have to run through three different databases, not to mention the fact that I have to compare each of the swabs to the elimination samples. Don't get your panties in a bunch, but it's going to take some time." Valera responded, not looking up from her centrifuge. _

_Ryan sighed. "I know, I know. I just can't wait to get this guy. So, since you've been working so diligently in the lab all day, you missed an Eric-Calleigh moment." Ryan was now sounding smug.  
Valera tore her eyes away from the troublesome lab equipment. "What?" Ryan was standing there, watching her with his arms folded across his chest and a smirk on his face._

_"They're getting together for drinks tonight." He said, nodding. "I'm not sure if that qualifies as a date though…"_

_"They've been tangoing around for god knows how long, it's a date. I'm happy for them. Maybe they'll get drunk and hook up and the mountain of unresolved sexual tension will finally disappear!" Valera grinned devilishly. _

_"Wouldn't that just make it worse? I mean, y'know Calleigh would avoid him like the plague and Eric would wander around like a lost and injured puppy." Ryan logically noted._

_Valera's grin faded. "Do you have to ruin everything Wolfe?"_

_"But you know I'm right." He reasoned._

_Valera rolled her eyes. "Whatever. It was just a nice thought. Now go so some of us can get back to fighting crime." She focused her attention on the centrifuge again, waiting for him to leave._

_"I didn't mean to burst your bubble, Valera, I was just saying…"_

_"I know." She looked up again and gave him a smile to show him there was no harm done and was more than pleased when he smiled back. "Thanks for the heads up, though. You know how much I love Eric and Calleigh news."_

_Ryan seemed slightly flustered as he nodded curtly, smiling at her again. "I, uh, I'll let you know if I hear anything else."  
"And I'll let you know the second I've finished processing all of this." She nodded.  
With that he turned to leave, but turned back to her as he pushed the lab door open. "Thanks, Valera. You're the best."_

_As tacky and hackneyed as his compliment was, Valera couldn't help but be warmed by his sincerity. Maybe he'd like to go out for drinks with her sometime._

xXx

Ryan spotted Valera sitting at the bar and chuckled to himself and was instantly relieved when she smiled at him. Finally, someone that was happy to see him. He couldn't help it when he checked her out, deciding that the simple little black dress was the best thing he'd seen on her yet. Ryan knew how attractive Valera was, but those weeks away from the lab allowed him to further ruminate on her good looks, her sense of humor and her intelligence and he'd realized how much he missed her and hoped that maybe she missed him too.

"You made it!" she grinned and gestured with her drink that was garnished with a tiny neon colored umbrella. Ryan sat on the bar stool next to Valera and nodded. "I didn't expect to see you here." she remarked, peering at him over her glass, all the while fiddling with the paper garnish.

"I didn't either." He chuckled darkly to himself, "but I figured I'd better make, at the very least, a brief appearance."

"How have you been?" Valera said, not wanting to dwell on his uncomfortable situation.

"Do you really want to know?" he looked her dead in the eye, asking honestly.

"No, Wolfe, I want you to lie to me. Of course, I want to know. Now, spill."

"I, uh, I'm in a support group," Ryan said, unsure where to begin. "And in counseling."

"That's great!" Valera said, squeezing his hand gently. She was genuinely glad he had sought help, rather than denying it. She had been stunned when she heard about the gambling. He'd never given any hint that he had a problem; he had never asked to borrow money from her or anything like that. Granted, he looked more stressed out and preoccupied than normal, but she hadn't suspected anything.

"Yeah and I'm back to work at the lab, which is great, even though no one else seems to think so." He gestured around the room and sighed.

"Give them time, Ryan. You getting fired really shook everyone up. They are glad to have you back, they're just still really hurt, give them time." Both turned away from the crowd and back toward the bar, staring off into space.

Ryan nodded. "Yeah."

"I'm glad to have you back." Valera said, glancing at him for a reaction.

Ryan caught himself on her words. She had missed him? In what sense? Like a coworker or like the way you miss someone that you'd you want to kiss? He knew that he wasn't her type. Sure, he was tall, had all of his teeth and a degree, but that didn't exactly describe the type of men Valera dated. She dated tall and buff, the picture of stereotypical manliness, guys with mysterious pasts, guys with leather jackets and rap sheets. Ryan wasn't any of those and he knew it. And Valera was what his Bubbe called a "modern gal", the type of girl that went after what she wanted and flirted openly. She had never flirted with him, Ryan was sure of that. He knew he'd remember if she did and he'd probably still be grinning about it. Ryan was definitely glad to be back, there was no doubt about that, but he knew having his old job back wasn't the only reason.

Her stomach fluttered when she told Ryan that she missed him, but instantly regretted it when he nodded again and said that he was glad to be back. Not a word about her or if he missed or not. No indication, nothing. Valera hoped he would take it as one coworker being nice to another and not as a woman who was attracted to him Trying to recover as best she could, she said the first thing that popped into her head. "Wolfe, it's the Christmas, er, Chanukah season and you just got your job back, let me buy you a beer."

xXx

Five minutes later, Ryan and Valera were both facing the room of people again, who were mingling and laughing. Valera was still nursing the same drink and Ryan has barely touched his beer.

"Where's your date?" Ryan asked, taking a sip of his beer.

"Where's yours?" Valera responded, watching Eric stand almost a little too close to their blonde coworker as he told her a joke and Valera couldn't help but feel jealous as Calleigh, laughed and swatted his arm.

"Point taken." Ryan smirked into his beer.

"What happened to miss reporter bitch?" Valera asked casually.

"What?" Ryan looked up from his glass, confused.

"That blonde girl, used to show up at crime scenes, you broke her tape recorder?" Valera prodded. Hopefully he'd broken this girl's heart as well and dumped her, but Valera didn't say that out loud.

"Oh! Erica…What about her?" He turned to Valera with an arched eyebrow, his facial question mark.

"You guys aren't together anymore?" Valera sipped her drink, trying hard to make her question sound like small talk.

"No, thank God. She took a television job up in Chicago and we haven't spoken since." Ryan watched Alexx thread her fingers with her husband's and hoped Valera wouldn't ask what happened between him and Erica. She didn't want to help him sort out his gambling problem and so she simply stopped calling. This didn't bother him too much though; he couldn't stop thinking about the lab and his coworkers, namely one DNA analyst in particular. Ryan considered calling her, but then the free lance television work started and he figured nobody from the lab would speak to him. "What happened to Carlos the pool-boy?"  
Valera wrinkled her nose. "Julio? He was a jerk."

"Oh. That was his name?"  
"Yeah." Valera took a sip of her drink. True, Julio had been self-centered and vaguely clingy, but was her constant thinking about Ryan that ate their relationship. She'd always fostered the smallest of crushes on her coworker, but after he'd been fired, she found herself spending more time trying to recall the curvature of his jaw or the slope of his nose and less time paying attention to her current boyfriend. She was definitely pleased to hear that Ryan was single.

xXx

After another ten minutes, they were standing there, bored and silent. Valera sipped her drink and Ryan fiddled with the label on his beer bottle. Valera considered taking her coworker by the hand and dragging him out to mingle with everyone else, but truth be told, she enjoyed him all to herself. What she didn't enjoy was the awkward silence that had washed over them.

"Wanna go out for a smoke?" she turned to him, setting her drink on the bar. Nobody would miss them if they ducked out for ten minutes.

"…You smoke?" Ryan asked her, turning to look at her. "Since when?"

"Since right now. Look, it's ridiculous to stand here the entire time. If not to go pretend smoke, come outside with me so you'll stop looking like the shunned little kid at the playground." Valera reasoned.

"Fine." Ryan stood up, putting the empty bottle on the bar.

Valera nodded, tipped her glass up, drinking the rest of the neon colored liquid and set it down on the bar resolutely. She stood up and glanced at her towering coworker. "Let's go, Wolfe."

She led the way across the room, moving quick enough that he had to take big strides to keep up with her. Valera flashed smiles as she went and Ryan, not wanting to look at the people who hadn't even said hi to him, trained his eyes on the base of her neck. When he finally caught up with her, just outside of the ballroom and welcome table, Ryan rested the tips of his fingers on Valera's lower back in a gentlemanly gesture. Valera swore that she stuck a fork in an electrical outlet the minute his hand made contact with the fabric of her dress. It's not that she'd never been touch before; it's that _he_ had never touched her before and Ryan definitely wasn't the touchy-feely type. She fumbled slightly in her heels and prayed he didn't notice.

He didn't mean to touch her, but he found himself with his hand resting on her back. It seemed like the proper and chivalrous thing to do at the time, but now Ryan was worried how it might be misconstrued as a come-on. And he wanted to move his hand, honest, but he liked the way his hand fit there and the way the yellow of the dress contrasted with darkness of his suit coat. Ryan liked Valera as a coworker and as a friend, but he was more than certain he'd like her even more as his girlfriend. It surprised him though, when she stumbled slightly, he figured she'd probably swivel around on her high heels, stare disgustedly at him and tell him to fuck off. But she didn't. Instead, she regained her balance and blushed, still moving toward the glass exit door at the very end of the seemingly endless hallway they had entered. Then out of nowhere, she stopped.

_To kiss him or not to kiss him?_ was the only thought pounding in Valera's brain. How could she begin to explain herself if she did and he freaked out? She could, potentially, blame it on the alcohol currently making its way to her bloodstream, but Ryan had seen her drink before and he would know that it was a downright lie. She wanted to kiss him, she knew that. She wanted to kiss him and make him smile and forget that his team members were ignoring him and that he was alone and broke for the holidays. She wanted to kiss him and make it better. More than that, she wanted to kiss him today and tomorrow and on Monday when they went back to work. Valera knew, however, that this would obviously change everything between them and maybe right now he wasn't willing to take that risk, his being new back at work and sorting out his gambling addiction and all. She knew he liked her. Valera could tell in the way Ryan would show up at the DNA lab at random interverals, not looking for evidence, but wanting to share a joke or an observation or in the way she caught him looking at her when he thought she wasn't looking. _But that's the thing about working in a glass lab, you see everything. _ The feelings weren't the hard part, acting on them was. _We can either do this now, or we can be like Calleigh and Eric for the next decade_ Valera told herself. That's when she made the decision to stop.

xXx

Ryan bumped into her, apologizing as he did so. "Shit, sorry…why'd we stop?" She could feel him looking at her confused.

"Ryan…" Valera took a deep breath. She turned to him and leaned in, kissing him squarely on the lips. _Please, please, please don't freak. Please. _

Ryan was surprised, but wrapped his arm around her waist. His coworker was kissing him. Valera was kissing him. Maxine Valera was making out with him in the middle of a dark hallway at a MDPD Christmas party and he almost forgot to kiss her back.

And with that, it began. She leaned into him. He nipped at her lip. Out of nowhere her hand found the back of his neck and began to fiddle with his hair. The minute her hands reached down to cup his ass, Ryan knew that this was the tipping point and after this, nothing would be the same.

For the first time in what felt like forever, Ryan Wolfe smiled. He was making out with his gorgeous coworker in a hallway with their closets friends less than a hundred feet away. All was not lost this holiday season.


	6. How Will I Know You'll Still Follow?

So it has definitely been a while, I know. But I do have an excellent excuse! I was in Argentina for two whole months and now I have school, which is mighty ridiculous.

This is a response to that very dramatic finale last season. Something tells me the new season is going to blow. Italics are from a Silversun Pickups song. Annnnnd I have another one written already that just needs the right ending, so worry not.

"_I still sleep on the right side of the white noise, can't leave the scene behind."_

She woke up with a start. The low whir of a vacuum being pushed across carpet jarred her from sleep. Valera groaned and turned toward the digital clock on the bedside table, it's glowing letters broadcasting that it was 1:47 A.M. Annoyed and grumpy, she rolled on her back and stared up at the ceiling. She lay there, discontent for a moment, before she realized that her fiancé, Ryan, was cleaning the house at nearly two in the morning. This could not be good.

Valera slid out of bed and silently moved across their bedroom floor. She wasn't quite sure what she was getting herself into. She and most of their colleagues knew about his OCD and she could easily pick it out in the neatness of his clothes, his car, his kit, his locker and his house. Nothing was out of place and dirty dishes never sat in the sink for too long. Granted, it was a bit bizarre for Valera when they first started going out, but he had pretty good control over it and it never got in the way of their relationship, personal or professional. She had seen him clean before, but never like this. This was something new, this was something scary.

She wasn't sure how to approach the situation; should she interrupt him or wait until Ryan has satisfied whatever urge made him break out the vacuum cleaner at two in the morning? Valera decided that standing just outside the living room, watching him push the machine across an already bare rug was safe enough. She was perturbed by the way his forehead creased and his eyes fixated on the carpet. He was obviously preoccupied with some thought by the way he chewed at his lip. She wanted to step into the living room and flap her arms until he noticed and switched off the offending noise, but the sight of him like this cemented her to the floor.

It took Ryan three minutes to notice his sleep tousled fiancée standing there with a look of concern creased into her face. Giving the vacuum cleaner one last push around the coffee table and in between the lamp and couch, he turned it off and began to carefully wind the cord up. He wasn't sure what to say. How was he supposed to go about explaining this to her?

"Ryan." Valera's voice broke the newly acquired silence. "Why are you vacuuming? It's like two in the morning, come back to bed."

"I-I can't, Max, I can't." Ryan wheeled the vacuum cleaner back to its designated spot in the closet and busied himself with the task of grouping together the empty hangers. He wanted to go back to bed, he really did, but so much had happened in the past few weeks that he was overwhelmed and cleaning obsessively was his automatic coping mechanism.

Valera crossed the living room in a few strides, appearing at his side. "What are you doing?" she was worried about him and still wasn't sure what to do. Of course they had discussed his OCD, but they hadn't covered what to do when something like this happened. Probably because stuff like this never happened.

"Fixing things." He couldn't bring himself to look her in the eyes he was afraid of what would happen if he did.

"Can you please look at me?" She asked quietly, touching his arm.

Ryan pretended not to hear her.

"Damn it, Ryan. Organizing the closet isn't going to fix anything!" The combination of frustration at what to do and worry got to Valera and she snapped at him.

His movements stilled.

"What else am I supposed to do, Max? I can't sleep!" His voice broke and for a minute, she thought he was going to cry.

"I…I don't know." She admitted defeat. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"There's not much to say." He mumbled.

"I know a lot has happened…" She began carefully.

"Well, that's a fucking understatement." Ryan replied flatly, having grown sick of the psychoanalytical talk he'd been hearing lately.

her patience was paper thin. "Ryan, quit being so damn negative, I'm trying my best, you don't-"

"I don't what Maxine?" He was yelling now. "I had to turn in one of my co-workers because she was tampering with evidence! Do you know how much scrutiny the lab is going to come under?! First me, now Tara and then I had a gun pointed in my face!" She had never heard him yell like this before and for the first time in a very long time, the pajama clad DNA analyst had nothing to say. Ryan was shaking as he yelled, his eyes boring holes into her. "And then you know what happened? My best friend was involved in a shoot out and went missing and I can't do a damn thing about it! So, tell me Maxine, what the fuck am I supposed to do? I can either gamble or vacuum and let me tell you something, vacuuming is a hell of a lot more productive than gambling! That's how I relieve stress, I just-" his voice softened and he took a deep breath. "Eric's one of my best friends, Max and he's missing and Calleigh, God knows what she's going through and I should be able to do something and I can't." his voice was shaking.

Maxine closed the gap between them as he pinched the bridge of his nose. Her own brown eyes were swollen with tears as she wrapped her arms around him. "I know."

_"When you see yourself in crowded room, do your fingers itch, are you pistol-whipped?_

_Will you step in line or release the glitch? Can you fall asleep with a panic switch?"_


	7. Walls

_Hi There! It's been awhile, but life tends to eat you whole sometimes. Not sure how I feel about this, but I'm trying._

**Walls**

Maxine curled her body even tighter and squeezed her eyes shut. The blinds were drawn in an attempt to blot out the relentless, blazing Miami sun. She just wanted to sleep. Everything inside of her ached and throbbed. The mere thought of what happened made the grief stricken brunette struggle for breath. Maxine and Ryan had been recently been married and it terrified her to even think what this might do to them.

Ryan sat listlessly at the kitchen table, a mug of once hot coffee sat across from him and his own empty mug was pushed to the side. He had made her coffee, just the way she liked it, in hopes that she would emerge from their darkened bedroom and join him at the table. Ryan felt as if he hadn't seen Maxine in years. She shut herself up and refused to look at him. He wanted to at least acknowledge that it had happened. That was such a cruel way to phrase things, but he didn't know what to say otherwise. A mass of cells? An embryo? Their child? The latter made the color drain from his face and his chest tighten, but he made coffee anyway and poured it into her favorite mug, the one he had given Maxine with DNA strands delicately painted on the handle. Ryan then went and tapped on their door. A muffled voice that sounded a lot like the bedraggled, croaking version of the one he loved so much responded with a "I'll be right out" but no avail, Maxine did not appear and join him at the kitchen table. Ryan rubbed his face with his hand and realized that he needed to shave. Sleeping on the couch had been doing more damage than Visine and the strongest of coffees could fix, but Maxine wouldn't even look at him, so he figured sharing a bed with her was out of the question. He spent most of those sleepless nights trying to come with the perfect thing to say. (Ryan learned that he had the habit of saying the wrong thing and making everything worse and the thing was that he really, really wanted to see his wife again)

She remembered his expression when she said that in eight or so months, there would be a little Wolfe-Valera in a white bassinet next to their bed. He had looked utterly shocked and elated all at once.

XxXxx

"_What? How?!" Ryan sputtered._

"_Well, when a man and a woman love each other very much…" Maxine began, rolling her eyes jokingly._

"_No! I know __that.__ I mean, how? Aren't you on the pill, the shot or whatever?"_

"_You, of all people, Wolfe, considering you're so hung up on numbers and statistics, should know that the pill does have a failure rate," Maxine commented. "And even in your response you managed to sound like an ass. Good job!" She really hadn't believed it herself , but an afternoon of peeing on pregnancy tests with Eric dutifully making wise-cracks from the couch and Calleigh patiently watching the timer and intermittently swatting her boyfriend, had cemented Maxine's belief that she was indeed carrying Ryan Wolfe's child. _

"_I mean, Max, it's really great!" Ryan realized his mistake and wanted to extract his foot from his mouth as soon as possible. He was pleased that he and his wife were going to have a child, but the anxious, obsessive part of his brain was overwhelmed with the idea of pregnancy and the things that could go wrong. "It's just a lot to handle, I mean, it's not everyday I hear that I'm going to be a father, y'know?" The motley of anxiety and excitement was apparent in his voice._

_Maxine decided to cut her very awkward and word fumbling husband some slack and reach over to pat his knee. "I should hope so and at least I didn't tell you while we were driving." Maxine had suggested they go to the beach after work that morning and so now they found themselves sitting on a bench at the edge of the sand, staring out at the water._

_A comfortable silence hung between them and Ryan's hand sought hers. They sat, enjoying each other's company before Ryan broke the silence._

"_I have a wife and a kid, how awesome is that?!"_

_Maxine didn't have to look over at him to know he was smiling._

XxXxx

That joy, however, didn't last very long. Less than two weeks later, Maxine awoke at an ungodly hour with searing stomach pains and found the sheets stained with the foreboding crimson of blood. A tense visit to the Emergency Room at Miami General confirmed the couple's worst fear: Maxine had miscarried.

The doctor had declared it a miscarriage due to unknown causes, but Maxine couldn't help but feel overwhelmed with venomous guilt, As she lay awake in bed, she went through the days leading up to that fateful night, trying to pinpoint exactly when her body decided the baby inside of her wasn't meant to be. Had she worked too hard? Not eaten the right foods? She wanted to know why the hell she wouldn't be able to hold the baby she'd spent so long dreaming about.

Ryan leaned back in his chair, still staring at the coffee across from him. He knew he loved her, there was no questioning that, but he didn't know how to reach her anymore and he was too exhausted to push and coax her out of her shell. He wanted the baby. He wanted it so bad, despite his hesitancy. But the baby was gone and his wife was slipping away. Ryan knew he could handle the loss of a child, but adamantly refused to lose the one he married too. With nervous hands, Ryan picked up the mug, carrying it toward the door that had become the wall betwixt them.

Maxine lay there, trying to visualize what the baby might've looked like. Would it have had Ryan's eyes and her Cupid's bow mouth? Maybe it would've been a quiet smiling baby or a gurgling, cooing child with drool and sticky fingers that would've pulled on hair, noses and ears. Thinking about what could've been hurt just as much as trying to not think about it. She turned on her side again, back toward the door, wishing she could forget when the bed suddenly dipped. Maxine knew Ryan would come eventually and part of her dreaded it. She felt like a failure. Kooky Valera messed up again; she killed a baby. She didn't want him to hate her.

"Max? I, uh, brought you some coffee." He gingerly set down the mug on the night stand and perched himself on the edge of the bed. "You said you were going to come out and talk, but you didn't and I thought maybe something was wrong…" realizing what he just said, Ryan winced. "Shit. Of course. I didn't mean…I just… I-"

"I know." Her voice was so quiet; he had to focus to hear it. Maxine knew that Ryan would come to her like this eventually, wanting to discuss what happened. She dreaded it, but a part of her was tired of being an island and glad he opened the door, rather than just knocking again.

"I- we both- I mean, I know that-" Ryan grasped for the right words again and again, trying to say anything remotely comforting. He looked at the comforter covered form that was his wife and wanted to hug her, but didn't.

"Ryan…" Her voice was weary and sounded twice as old as it should have. This broke his heart. Lively and bubbly Maxine was run down and exhausted.

"I'm not going to say the right thing; I never do, never have and never will. And that really fucking sucks. I should know what to say to make this better, Max, that's my job." He laid on the bed now, his head on the pillow next to hers. "It was an accident, Max."

Maxine rolled over and for the first time in nearly two weeks looked at Ryan. He looked worn out and grief stricken, like he hadn't slept in days. "I know."

Ryan felt like shit when he saw how tear swollen her eyes were. He should've manned up and done this days ago. He reached out to her, pulling her to him and wrapping her in a hug. "I just wanted to give you your space. I didn't want to make things worse."

"But you're here now." She rested her head on his shoulder, feeling less frozen.

"I'm always here for you, Maxine. Always."


	8. I'll Bring Home The Turkey

_**For those recovering from the flu, I give you this.**_

**I'll Bring Home The Turkey If You Bring Home The Bacon**

"Let me see it."

"No." She crossed her arms across her chest. _There was no way in hell he was going to change her mind._

"Please?" He gave her puppy dog eyes and a pout that made her stomach do funny things.

"It's stupid, you wouldn't like it." _She knew she was just stalling for time at this point._

"Since when does that matter to you?" Now his arms were crossed too, the task of putting picture frames in the cardboard box betwixt them clearly forgotten.

"It's in a place inappropriate to show your coworker." She said lamely, trying to convince both herself and him.

"Bullshit." He held up the picture, taken what seemed like light years ago, that had given her away. "And like that mattered anyway…" He arched an eyebrow cooly. _Clearly he wasn't just going to let it go._

She shot him a withering look. He grinned and held his hands up in surrender. _ Was Ryan Wolfe flirting with her? _

"What if I don't want to show you?" She reached across and snatched the picture out of his hand.

"Then I'll just guess until a, you show me, b, you get so annoyed with me, you show me to shut me up or c, I guess right and then you show me." He grinned impishly. "I win eventually, Valera. Admit it."

She rolled her eyes. "Why don't you finish packing. I didn't invite you over because I wanted to be harassed." Maxine busied herself with carefully rearranging the frames already in the box. _She invited him over because he 's cute and good at organizing, but mostly because he 's cute. Not that she'd ever tell him that._

Ryan picked up another frame and wrapped in a sheet of newspaper, carefully folding it. " Are you excited to move?"

"I suppose so. Yeah, I mean, I'm excited to finally own my own place, I just _really _ hate packing." She moved toward the bookshelf and settled herself on the floor in front of it, not quite sure how to go about undertaking the daunting task of packing up her sizable library. _Thank God. Maybe he's dropped his fascination with…_

"Is it science related?" He interrupted her thoughts.

"What?" _She was just going to play stupid. _She grabbed a stack of books off the shelf and dropped them into the labeled box. Behind her, Ryan had finished packing the frames and was currently struggling to tape the box shut.

"Your tattoo, is it science related?" He said slowly, fumbling with the packing tape and the flaps of the box.

She picked up another stack of books and dropped them in the box before getting up and walking toward him, avoiding the question entirely.

"Do you need help with that?" She asked, almost laughing at the sight of him trying to rip the tape and hold the flaps shut all at once.

"Yeah, that'd be great…" he said breathlessly, still fumbling with the tape.

"It's tape, Wolfe, not rocket science. My four year old niece has better dexterity than you." Maxine placed a hand on the seam of the flaps while her blushing coworker ripped the tape.

"You're really mean, Valera. I'm surprised you have any friends." He deadpanned.

She bent down to pick up the sealed carton, her eyes level with his. "It has nothing to do with science." She picked up the carton and carried it to the front door where others just like it sat.

"Okay. Hmmm…" Ryan unfolded himself from his crouched position. "Is it someone's name?"

She reappeared, this time with two beer bottles in hand. "Wolfe, seriously? I'm not stupid. No." she scoffed, handing him one and setting hers atop the bookcase.

He settled on the couch, watching her pack her books, and sipped his beer thoughtfully. Maxine sighed to herself and shook her head.

"How are you liking the lab? Miss patrol at all?" She inquired, realizing she felt uncomfortable in the silence.

"Huh? Oh. It's nice, different from patrol. I like the work, but…" Ryan shrugged his shoulders, taking another pull from his beer. "…dynamics are a lot different than expected."

"Oh? How so?" Maxine swiveled her body to face him.

"In case you haven't noticed, Calleigh, Eric and everyone else aren't too keen on having me there."

She nodded. "Give them time, Ryan. Everyone's just going through a lot."

"I know. Doesn't mean it's not a pain in the ass. Yesterday when I suggested something to Calleigh, I thought she was going to shoot me right there in the lab.

Placing the rest of the books that would fit in the box, Maxine stood up and grabbed her beer, surveying what was left to do before settling herself on the couch next to him.

"I'm glad you're there, Wolfe." She winced, hoping she didn't sound too overzealous.

He chuckled dryly. "Thanks, but you may be the only one."

The two of them sat in silence, drinking their beers and staring off into space. Maxine was trying to reason how she could ask if he was seeing anyone without being too assertive. _He's cute and reasonably sweet. _A girlfriend wasn't out of the question, or a boyfriend for that matter, but she really hoped it was neither of the two. She could deal with him having a girlfriend, sure. Ladies came and went, but a predilection for the same sex wasn't something Maxine saw as being changeable in the slightest._ Oh please let him not be gay. That would be just my luck. _

"Is it a cartoon character?" He blurted out suddenly.

She whipped her head toward him. "Excuse me? Do you think it would honestly be a cartoon character?"

"Well, no."

"Then don't even ask."

"Sometimes you never know. One girl I dated had a tinkerbell and a tigger on her lower back."

"Oh boy." Maxine winced. "Was she 12?"

"Twenty-three." he remarked laconically. "She was nice."

"She had tattoos of children's characters above her ass crack, Wolfe. At that point, it doesn't matter how nice you are, you're branded for life." Maxine snorted.

"You're cruel."  
"But I'm being honest." She retorted.

"I know and you're right." He nodded sympathetically.

"Well then don't give me that 'you're cruel' shit." _At least now she knew he liked ladies. _"What was her name? Wait! No! Let me guess, it ended in some variation of 'ee".

"Staci."

"Told you."

"I never doubted you."

"Good" She nodded.

"Is it a flower? I bet it's a flower."

Maxine sighed exasperatedly, rolling her eyes. _He wasn't going to give up, was he?_ As annoyed as Maxine seemed, a tiny part of her was pleased the coworker she had a phenomenal crush on was even fractionally interested in her. And to be entirely honest, that bothered the very independent Maxine.

"It is! I'm totally right! It's a flower!" He sounded smug and pleased with himself, he grinned wildly at her. "I was right."

"No, you weren't." Maxine plunked her bottle down on the end table and stood in front of him.

"What?" Ryan frowned.

"You tell anyone and I'll have to kill you." Maxine carefully lifted the right side of her t-shirt and turned slightly. There on her side, just under her ribs, were three small peacock feather, barely bigger than two inches.

"Wow."

"There. Will you shut up now?"

He nodded. "How long have you had them."  
"Since I was nineteen." She sat down next to him again, picking up her bottle. "They were kind of spur of the moment thing."

"Do you want more tattoos?" he inquired, tipping back his drink.

"Yes. No. I don't know." She shrugged. "Do you have any tattoos?"

"Me?" Ryan chortled when she gave him her 'well, duh.' look. "No. No, I do not. Being a Jew kind of gets in the way of that."

"Please." Maxine rolled her eyes. "I saw you practically inhale a bacon cheeseburger just a couple of days ago. Something tells me your Rabbi wouldn't be too happy to hear that.

He laughed. "Okay, so I'm not a very good Jew, but my parents would be happier to hear I was eating dairy wrapped meat than to hear I had a tattoo. My mother would have an aneurism." He shook his head and chuckled.

Maxine smiled, pleased with herself.

The room fell into a companionable silence before Ryan stood up. "We should probably finish packing."

"Sounds like a good idea."

Some hours later, after the last dish had been packed away and everything had been taped shut, a worn out Ryan yawned.

"I should probably get going. What time is the truck showing up tomorrow?"

"Nine, I think. I want everything to be moved by eleven." Maxine said as she walked him to the door, admiring the span of his back along the way.

Ryan nodded. "Do you want any help unpacking? 'Cause I can help, if you'd like." He sounded eager and that made her flush with a strange sort of pleasure.

"I would love your help, Ryan." She smiled at him. _So unbelievably adorable._

He pinked slightly. "So I'll see you 'round eleven then? And if you don't get everything unpacked or whatever, we can maybe grab some dinner. Unpacking can be a bitch. It could take you days." He rambled.

"Yeah, we can grab something." Maxine had to force back a grin and remind herself she was a grown woman, not a love struck teenager._ Did he just ask me on a date?_

"Cool." Ryan nodded, heading out the door. "Night, Max. Call me if you have any problems."

_ Oh boy. _"Alright. I'll see you tomorrow. Thanks for all your help!"

He walked toward his car, before stopping and turning around. "Oh. Hey and Max? Not to sound creepy or anything, but your tattoo is beautiful."

"That's really sweet of you, Ryan." Maxine was thankful he couldn't see the silly grin stretch across her cheeks, which was only amplified when he grinned widely, winking.

_Resistance from this point on was futile._

**Hope you enjoyed it. I have two more semi planned and then an idea for a multichap. Be on the lookout.**


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